


Just Give Me a Reason

by Mrs_Watson_Holmes (WriterCatherine), WriterCatherine



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Forehead Kisses, I Don't Even Know, Kissing, M/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-30
Updated: 2017-10-30
Packaged: 2019-01-26 18:25:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12563456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WriterCatherine/pseuds/Mrs_Watson_Holmes, https://archiveofourown.org/users/WriterCatherine/pseuds/WriterCatherine
Summary: Kinda based on Pink! JUST GIVE ME A REASON. These boys. This wasn't were I meant this to go to be fair.... It was meant to be fluffy and kinda smutty but it accidentally got angsty.





	Just Give Me a Reason

**Author's Note:**

> I apologise in advance I guess.... Enjoy.

Tony had had a crush on Clay from the beginning. From the moment he saw the poor boy after having his head flushed down the toilet he had a fierce urge to protect him at all costs. It wasn't until a few years later that Tony realised that feeling was love. Clay had stolen his heart and Tony had given it to him wholly without intending to. It never effected him too much. Not outwardly. He hid his feelings well, never letting it effect their friendship. Tony's relationships never lasted because he dropped everything to be there for Clay, even before the tapes, before Hannah if Clay called he would come running. Their friendship was built on movie nights and just being comfortable together. They had the type of friendship you can only have with someone who you know really really well. Subtle touches here and there, hugs goodbye, the types of friendships that formed when you were young and everyone just hugged everyone and touches weren't saved for those you favoured the most. Tony had no notions that these touches meant more than they did, it was just familiarity. As friends or as more Clay was family. Clay didn't flinch when Tony sat too close on the sofa, or if they fell asleep watching films sometimes they would wake up heads resting on each other.

Everything got more intense after Hannah, including their friendship. There was an energy surrounding Clay now, almost as if he was waiting to snap. Tony was determined to not let Clay snap. And if his relationship with Brad suffered because of it, then it was just speeding the inevitable because Tony knew that while he and Clay were still friends, no one would ever be able to stop Tony helping Clay. 

Clay had loved her, it was the type of love that lived through rose coloured glasses though. Hannah was perfect and Clay had adored her, there was no doubt to anyone that Clay Jensen had been in love with Hannah Baker. And Hannah may even have been able to love Clay and they truly could have had something beautiful, they could have learnt everything about each other together, Clay would never have been able to keep Hannah on her pedestal, people weren't supposed to live like that. But perhaps Hannah's fall would have been more gentle had they learnt each other's flaws together, rather than Hannah taking that option away. He could no longer see her as a perfect being, she had been far too broken to love him properly, and her fall from that pedestal broke Clay too.

Tony loved Clay differently to how Clay had loved Hannah. Tony had seen almost every side of Clay and in return Tony had shown Clay parts of him too, even the parts of him that weren't pretty, and when they were together those things didn't seem so bad anymore. They had learnt everything about each other as friends, so when they fell into bed together about a month after the tapes, all they had done was kiss and wrap themselves around each other, fixing every wound with a kiss, just laying there next to Clay, Clay's arms and legs wrapped around him, even if this was all it ever was, one night, he knew that would be enough for him. Maybe he and Clay weren't as broken as they had thought. Maybe they were just bent out of shape. And maybe. In time, they could both move on and learn to love again, maybe they could learn to love each other. Maybe they would learn to love someone else, but as he lay there with his arms wrapped tightly around the boy who was everything to him he knew they would be okay. With every touch Clay had erased a part of Tony he didn't like, and Tony had done the same in return. 

He hadn't expected the night to end the way it did, it had started with a couple of beers, and a film, an innocent kiss goodnight that the alcohol had given him the confidence to do. It was a chaste kiss to Clay's forehead as they went upstairs, but as Tony had pulled away Clay had pulled him back, placing a light kiss to Tony's lips, putting every ounce of emotion Clay was feeling about the tapes, about everything, about how grateful he was to have Tony was conveyed through that chaste kiss, and before Tony really thought about it he was peppering Clay with kisses, over his lips, his cheeks his whole face. He tried to say everything with those kisses "I will always protect you" "I think she broke me to" "help me" "I love you...." and Clay kissed back, neither boy really knew who it was who started crying and who it was who first wrapped their arms around the other but without realising both boys had ended up curled up together facing each other on the bed, tears staining their faces and lips caressing each other slowing and tenderly.  
"I'm scared Tony." Clay had whispered at one point  
"me too. Just sleep. Everything else we can work out in the morning"  
Slowly their tears dried and Clay drifted off to sleep as Tony sat and looked at the taller boy, he looked so small and helpless and in that moment Tony hated Hannah, he had loved her, in his own way, they had been close, but at that moment he couldn't forgive Hannah for what she had done to Clay and to him. He had never understood how anyone could resent someone who had felt so helpless that they had chosen to end there life, but at that moment looking at the boy beneath him he finally understood. They were both broken, but they got up and they carried on every day. Hannah was broken but rather than getting  help, she had instead left 14 more broken people behind her. He loved Hannah, but he wasn't sure if he would ever truly be able to forgive her for what she did.

As Tony started to drift off he heard Clay mumbling in his sleep, so he held him tighter and drifted off.

Neither boy mentioned the previous night, they both work up with slightly bashful smiles at one another before getting on with their days, it was Saturday and neither had anything to do so they put another film on, Tony noticed that Clay was sitting further away on the sofa than he normally did, they weren't as many subtle touches. Maybe that was Tony too, reverting back to a healthier friendship, still close, but not dependent anymore. Tony no longer felt like he would never be able to have a successful relationship, and Clay no longer looked like he was about to snap. They were both happy. Or as happy as they could be. Maybe they had both finally reached the acceptance part of moving on. It was a step in the right direction.

A few months later  
"Tony. Can I ask you something? About that night, a few months ago."  
"Of course Clay." Tony's heart beat faster  
"You kissed me."  
"That isn't a question"  
"Why?"  
"Because I loved you Clay. I had been in love with you since the first time I offered to get my brother to beat up the bullies for you, I wanted to protect you. But it had become unhealthy. You never wondered why none of my relationships worked in the past? I'd walk out on anniversary meals to go and watch a film with you, even though I know you are straight and you would never love me back. Even if you had, we'd never have been able to have a healthy relationship with you, I was too far gone. It would have ended with one of us getting hurt. We were both already too broken"  
"Loved....?"  
"I will always love you. A part of me always will. But that night you started to fix the scars on my heart."  
"What would happen if I wanted to try? I want to try a relationship with you. You started to fix me too and I think I am ready, and I think maybe since that night I have started to fall in love with you."  
Tony leaned over and kissed him lightly on the lips smiling "let's try then."


End file.
